FlamingText

Because people who watch the Golf Channel worry me.

5:36PM. Waiting for the #8
Best overheard bus-stop conversation topic today: Heat rash.
  While public discussion of one’s embarrassing ailments is considered by some to be rude, it is considered by yours truly to be hilarious. Consider the following conversation, held between three friends at the bus stop on Broadway and Olive.

"Oh man, it was all up on my thighs, and I was walking all (he walks bow-legged to demonstrate) ‘cause my thighs were rubbing together ‘cause I’m chubby …"
  (I can vouch for this, by the way. He was kinda chubby. Sort of a pale, chubby white kid, I’d guess around nineteen years old, with glasses and an unfortunate haircut)
"And then I was walking with this girl and I was all trying to play it off like it didn’t hurt…"
  Here he mimes trying to walk normally and look cool while concealing his chafing discomfort. At this point I have decided that I really like him, or at least that I would root for him if he were a character in a movie. Perhaps a movie about summer camp?
  After he confides his story of discomfort to his friends, they engage in a round-robin of rash anecdotes, punctuated by exclamations of "Oh, man, get me some diaper-rash lotion or something. Jesus." Or "Damn. I wish you were ice cubes. I’d be all rubbin’ up on you" (this line is delivered to the sole girl of the trio, followed by a demonstration which resembles some kind of canine leg-humping. She finds this hysterical.)
  This is followed by a round-robin of mis-told jokes. The jokes are as follows:
#1. "What’s the difference between golf and the G-Spot?"
This one is told by the girl, and since I didn’t hear the punchline, I’ll provide my own. The difference between golf and the G-spot is that if there were something called the G-spot Channel, I might actually watch that.
#2"What do Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson have in common?"
Okay, I’m going to assume that you’ve already heard this one because it’s been around for a while, and if you haven’t I’m not going to tell you the punchline because the set-up is ALL WRONG and there’s really no recovery after a set-up that flawed.
#3. "What do get when you cross a lesbian with an eskimo?"
Answer: "A Klondyke bar."
Now, here again we have a flawed set-up. It should go "What do you get when you cross a lesbian drinking establishment with an eskimo?", because the term "lesbian drinking establishment" is inherently funny. Funnier, in fact, than the punchline, which is often the case with this sort of joke.
You know what else is inherently funny, as far as I’m concerned? Heat rash. But only when someone else has it.