FlamingText

Who Are the Food Police?

  So apparently Hardee's restaurants are being hailed as fast-food trendsetters for unveiling their new Monster Thickburger, a shot across the bow at the "Food Police", those politically-correct naysayers who insist on pointing out that eating a steady diet of fast food may not necessarily promote good health. The Monster Thickburger has "not one, but two 1/3-lb. charbroiled patties, topped with no less than four strips of crispy bacon, three slices of American cheese, and some mayonnaise – all on a buttered, toasted, sesame seed bun."

  Weighing in at 1420 calories (not including fries) and 107 grams of fat, enjoying a Monster Thickburger for lunch sends a clear message to all those tofu-eating finger-waggers, and that message is "I am a rebel. I am not afraid of heart disease and I am happy with my body the way it is. In fact, if I had a complaint about my body, it would be that I'm not fat enough. Furthermore, nobody is going to tell me how to live my life, because I am an American and the red blood of Freedom courses through my veins. Freedom paid for with the blood of the brave men who died on Bunker Hill and the beaches of Normandy. Freedom to do what I please, whenever I please without regard for the consequences. Freedom to eat a really big hamburger. To do otherwise would disgrace the memory of those brave souls who gave of themselves so selflessly, laying down their lives so that I and future generations could continue to breathe the sweet, sweet air of Freedom."

  Here's an excerpt of an actual fan letter that Hardee's received from John Frensley, a 22-year old Texas college student (I have reprinted this verbatim from this L.A. Times article):
"While other restaurants were a bunch of Nancy-boys and became low-carb cowards in the face of moronic 'they made me fat' lawsuits, you did the AMERICAN thing ... by spitting in the face of lawyers, nutritionists and food-nazi types and offering a monument to Americanism."

And all I can say to that is wow. The man wrote a fan letter to a sandwich.

  I'm looking forward to the day when independently-spirited Americans carry this idea further and begin thumbing their noses at the politically correct health nazis who insist on telling us that we shouldn't drive after eating a whole Jimson Weed root and that it's "unhealthy" to gouge one's eyes with a number two pencil. That'll show 'em!

Posted by flamingbanjo at January 11, 2005 10:32 AM