1. When you're searching through all the drawers and cabinets in your office only to realize that you've got sixteen different boxes all marked "Staples" and NONE of them actually have staples in them, you may begin to suspect that either you've gone insane or that somebody is playing a practical joke on you. Like possibly they waited until you fell asleep and then changed the meaning of the word "staples" to something other than what you thought it was.
This latter explanation is actually pretty close to what's happened. While you weren't paying attention, a large corporation purchased the rights to the word "staples" and, through the miracle of branding, erased any meaning it might once have had. It is now just a logo, with no more meaning outside of this context than "Pepsi" has outside of its normal context. This will eventually happen to every word in the English language. Get used to it.
2. Product Testimonial: Extra Strength Krazy Glue
I was looking around for some adhesive and found this tube of Extra Strength Krazy Glue in my desk drawer, presumably left there by my predecessor. However, I was unable to use it because the lid was stuck on and wouldn't come off no matter how hard I struggled trying to remove it. I used pliers on that sucker and it still wouldn't budge!
That it some seriously good glue!
3. The song "Jingle Bell Rock" contains entirely too many instances of the word "jingle."
4. If I came up with a a character in a story who was an actual cardinal and I named him Cardinal Sin, readers would roll their eyes and groan.
"Next you're going to tell us that the prison-guard character stationed at Abu Ghraib is named 'Corporal Punishment.' ", they would rightly protest. "C'mon! How heavy-handed can you get?"
A new cardinal will soon be appointed to the Manila Archdiocese, but they'll never replace Cardinal Sin. He was a true original.
1. staples packed by lewis and clark include crayons, fatigue frocks, and pewter penis syringes. so it's not that it has no meaning, but that the meaning is unreliable.
2. i consider the containers of krazy glue to be "one use" containers, and save up the gluing projects until the container can be used up in one go. because otherwise, it will be glued in the bottom of the drawer next time i need it.
3. yes.
4. i can't tell you how much i appreciate this. a zillion times better than major major, because true.
Posted by: anne at June 25, 2005 12:32 AMBest warning sign found today:"CAUTION:Staples have sharp points for easy paper penetration, so handle with care. Supervise children."
That last sentence is good advice any time.
Posted by: flamingbanjo at June 27, 2005 10:30 AM