Back when the Emporor Norton was in town, we would occasionally converse face-to-face (or face-to-solar plexus, as it were.) This is one such conversation, as close as I can remember it.
Flaming Banjo: Hey, you've worked in food service a lot --
Emporor Norton: Yes.
FB: --Maybe you can answer a question I have. Why is the service in vegan cafes always so awful?
EN: Pot.
FB: (Laughing): That's it? Pot? I thought you'd have a whole theory about it.
EN (Looks up and right, considering, then): Well, maybe... Why, do you have a theory? (This said in full awareness that I always have a theory.)
FB: I always think it's because when I walk up to White Dreadlock Dude and actually have the nerve to ask him to prepare some food and perhaps a beverage for me, that he deliberately proceeds as slowly as possible because he's decided that I'm the Man.
EN: Okay, there might be something to that. Maybe those places tend to attract people who have a problem with authority -- like they're anarchists and object to the whole idea of being expected to wait on other people because it's demeaning. Cause, you know, 'Fuck the Man'.
FB: You don't see a lot of "the Customer is Always Right" signs in vegan cafes. I always get this feeling that's like "you should be glad that you can even find a place that serves cruelty-free muffins, buddy. We're doing you a favor just by staying in business, so the least you could do is cut me a little slack, Mr. Where's-the-Food-I-Ordered-Forty-Five-Minutes-Ago. "
EN: Maybe being an eco-anarchist free thinker is fundamentally incompatible with service industry positions. You can tell they're free thinkers, 'cause there's a Che Guevera poster hanging over the espresso machine.
FB: Exactly! They're all "Hey, quit bugging me, man. I'm trying to master the didgeridoo!"
Also, Iwonder if it isn't malnutrition: maybe they aren't getting enough vital amino acids in their diets, and their synapses aren't firing right.
EN: Which brings us back to my original explanation: It's the pot.
FB: It could be the pot.
Posted by flamingbanjo at August 9, 2005 04:19 PMBoth theories probably have merit. But, looking at the situation from a dimetrically oposite polarity, it also probably explains why the service at high-end steakhouses is usually exemplary; when some suit comes in expecting to drop a couple of C-notes minimum for dinner, you pretty much know from the outset that they are in fact "the man", and that a single dropped fork or spotted wine glass can be enough to put them on a quest to carry the offending service person's head home in a doggy bag, or at least to make their life absofukinlutely miserable for oh say, three or four generations to come.
Just because they can.
Whereas, the people who eat in Vegan restaurants are predominately (and I realize this is a generalization) touchy-feely types who are just as likely to abet the waitstaff in their slackerish passive-aggressive tendencies, "Oh, I can totally see your chakras are missaligned right now, so don't worry about the botched order. Really, we don't mind chewing on this carbonized tofu burger."
Plus, they're probably on the pot as well...
Posted by: KING COMTE I at August 9, 2005 10:57 PMHa! It's true, the customers are a bunch of hacky-sack playing, yoga-doing, pot-smoking -- hey, wait a minute! I'm a customer! Damnit!
Posted by: flamingbanjo at August 10, 2005 07:58 AMY'all need to come down to the Greens in SF - you get the best of both worlds: wait staff who are hovering to pick up your dropped forks ( why anyone would want to eat with a fork is beyond me... ) and replace your spotty wine glasses, all the while serving you cruelty-free vegan or p.o.v. ( "plain old vegetarian", if you groove on organic cheeses ) fare that has a tendency to cause cartoon moths to fly out of your wallet next time you open it. Sure, there's no posters of Che, but there's probably some pot involved somewhere.
Posted by: Jubilation! at August 10, 2005 11:15 AMI knew I could count on some Bay Area peeps to come through with an exception. If anyplace has enough vegans to support competition among vegan places for customers, that would be the place.
The funny thing is, I'm not a vegan or even a vegetarian, I'm just somebody who likes to eat some tofu and veggies from time to time. So I guess the appeal of a lot of vegan places ("this is perhaps the only dining-out option for people with your beliefs") is sort of lost on me. I tend to judge these places by the same sorts of standards I'd apply to any restaurant.
Also, I find the common usage of "cruelty-free" to be fundamentally hilarious.
And yes, I do groove on organic cheeses...
Posted by: flamingbanjo at August 10, 2005 12:55 PMbetter than Greens ( which is not vegan, and i find the food very boring ) is Cafe Gratitude, the menu of which makes most people roll their eyes even to read:
http://www.withthecurrent.com/menu.html
the service there is incomparable. i think they'll give you a massage while you wait if you ask.
the only reason i disagree with the pot theory is that most vegans i know drink a buttload of coffee, and thus you would think they'd be scooting around like mad. so, i have to go with the "fuck the man" theory for whatever bad service you get in restaurants you are attending. the only complaint here i have is that most Raw Food restaurants take twice as long to prepare your food. even though they're not cooking it. but they're nice about it while you wait and will make you smoothies.
Posted by: amy.leblanc at August 11, 2005 03:05 PMI used to date a girl who worked at good old Cafe Gratitude and so I can confirm that, yes, the service - if that's what the kids are calling it these days -is FANTASTIC. The food is also delicious as well as amusing.
Posted by: corey jo at August 11, 2005 04:08 PM