Sometimes when I'm reading the paper I like to stop and read Billy Graham's column. He publishes a biblically-themed advice column which can always be relied upon for one-size-fits-all advice to suit every situation. Thinking about straying from your wife? Look inside your heart and ask God for guidance. Thinking about taking a rifle with you up to the top of the water tower and exacting your revenge on this godforsaken little cesspool of a town that has always treated you so unkind? Ask yourself if Jesus would approve of this course of action. Thinking about buying a house but worried about the housing bubble bursting just as you're getting into the market? What if you find yourself locked into high-interest mortgage payments on an overvalued home just as the economy takes a sudden downturn? Trust Jesus, my child. He has the answers.
I was reading the paper today and came across this column, in which the good Reverend prints a letter from a woman complaining of the following problem:
"I know it's bad for me and all that, but I guess I'm just addicted to food"
The Reverend then goes on to counsel her that "God loves us and wants us to be free from anything that enslaves us ... including food."
I can't tell you what a relief that is to hear. I'm definitely addicted to food. Like, if I try to go even a day without it, I start to go through withdrawal. I find myself feeling tired, listless, irritable -- oh my God, I think I have a serious problem! I mean, what if it turns out I can't stop?!? I need an intervention here, people!
It reminds me of a joke my dad, who grew up on a farm, has been known to tell:
"We had a mare we were teaching to go without food. We figured we'd get her used to it slowly by just cutting down her feedings until we could finally just eliminate them altogether. It was going pretty well, but unfortunately just before we got her trained, she died."
She's in a better place now.
Amy: Unfortunately, for a lot of people I think Christian is just the name of their team. Just as Pittsburgh football fans aren't really expressing their unflagging devotion to steelworkers by screaming "Go Steelers!" at the top of their lungs while standing shirtless in the rain with their faces painted yellow and black, many Christians get so caught up in the team spirit that they seem to barely notice that their team is named after a mystical, free-thinking socialist hippy.
Posted by: flamingbanjo at August 17, 2005 02:15 PMamen.
Posted by: amy.leblanc at August 17, 2005 03:58 PM