"Day 30: They still view me as something of a village idiot, not just for my inability to adapt to this primitive life of running through trees, avoiding predators and gathering edible fruits, but for my continuing difficulties mastering their language. It is a language oddly dominated by one particular word, which occurs in so many variations as to seem, to an outsider, virtually meaningless. It has no English translation."
Posted by flamingbanjo at February 23, 2010 04:05 PMLinguistic parallels to English (American) can in fact be detected by the trained ear. Contextually, one (or more) of three common Americanisms are likely to be apt substitutes: "Like," "Dude," and/ or, "I know, right?"
More puzzling to experienced smurfologists is whether the specimens have been correctly classified as mammalian. While the creatures do have humanoid features, including hair and navels, the absence of vestigal nipples on the males is the foundational premise of two common hypothesis: (a) that the specimens have evolved beyond humankind, and/ or (b) the creatures are breeding through egg-laying or cellular mitosis. The former theory is undermined by the specimens' marked lack of higher function, while proper testing of the later hypothesis requires still further vivasection.
There is frenzied debate within smurfademic circles as to the precise procreative role of the lone female specimen, and whether she, like her blue-skinned bretheren, lacks mammalian nipples. Legitimate smurfologists and smurfademics posit that acquiring such knowledge would shed light upon many vital questions as to the origins, longevity, and breeding cycles of the specimens. However, proposed research in this vein remains controversial due to the recent publication of several disreputable smurfademic journals that suggest that a less-scrupulous majority within the smurfolgical field merely want to see the slutty little minx without her frock on.
Posted by: Excerpted from The Skeptical Gargamalian at February 23, 2010 09:14 PM