FlamingText

Henchmen needed

As any fan of Batman or Scooby Doo can tell you, abandoned theme parks make ideal locations for Supervillain Hideouts. There amongst the decaying remains of old roller coasters, tilt-a-whirls and decrepit funhouses, a villain can find time to plot his crimes and cackle madly to himself while contemplating his inevitable takeover of the local criminal underworld.

It is possible, however, that the area where you live is lacking in this vital resource. If you are looking around for some suitable locales, consider these two options:

1. Dogpatch, USA. This was once a marginally successful hillbilly-themed park based on the L'il Abner comic strip. It was opened in 1968, the year of the huge hillbilly craze (not to be confused with 1975, the year of the huge crazed hillbilly.) It is located in rural Arkansas far away from any urban center, so it should afford lots of the privacy necessary to bring your nefarious schemes to fruition. Some of the still-standing buildings would be perfect for housing a laboratory where you can work on your giant death ray device or begin cloning an army of mindless super-mutants who will help you take over the world. Also, free parking!

2. Heritage USA, a Christian-fundamentalist-themed park originally owned by Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker back in the eighties before all the unpleasantness forced them to sell. I know what you're asking yourself: A Christian-fundamentalist-based theme park? How could that go out of business? It sounds like so much fun.

But alas, go out of business is exactly what it did, in spite of being a huge tourist attraction during the eighties with attendance rivalling Disneyworld. Today the site is home to a golf course and a new housing development. However, remnants of the theme park still stand! And once the golfers and prospective home owners next door realize that the old theme park is haunted you'll have the place all to yourself! It's a perfect plan, providing no meddling kids or costumed crimefighters come around sticking their noses where they don't belong....

The Great Wave

So this last Sunday I treated myself to dinner at the Blue C Sushi restaurant in Fremont. That's the one with the little conveyor belt that just moves the sushi by you on these little color-coded covered plates (color indicates price.) It's pretty hypnotic watching the endless parade of sushi going by on its little stainless steel moving sidewalk. I was sitting there eating sushi and drinking hot sake when I noticed a print of this painting on the wall of the place. I had to look at it for a while before I noticed the bunnies. Once I did notice, I decided this was the best thing ever.

It's done by this husband-and-wife artist team called Kozyndan. Not all of their work involves bunnies.

Veterans Day

  Vice President Cheney today took part in a remembrance ceremony at Arlington National Cemetary in honor of Veterans Day. As part of the ceremony he laid a wreath on the Tomb of the Unknowns.

  Mr. Cheney has long been a supporter of government-funded tombs for fallen soldiers. In fact, he is such a strong supporter of the idea that he has been a driving force behind the Bush administration's three-year initiative to create over two thousand new graves for veterans. With a price tag of approximately $200 billion this program has come under fire in some quarters, with critics charging that it is needlessly expensive. Today Cheney, speaking before a small gathering of press, veterans and family members of deceased soldiers, waved off such criticisms as being "counterproductive" and "sending the wrong message."

  "Nothing's too good for our fallen heroes." said Mr. Cheney in a short speech after the ceremonial wreath-laying. He was then escorted by Secret Service to his limousine that waited with its motor running to transport him to the nearby airfield and the ten-minute helicopter ride back across the Potomac.

Standard disclaimer: While Vice President Cheney did attend a wreath laying, what he actually said was this:
"Approximately 25 million of our fellow citizens once carried the title of Marine, soldier, airman, sailor, Coast Guardsman, National Guardsman, merchant mariner, and now carry the title of veteran."
Also, I have no idea how long the helicopter ride takes.

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I know why the caged mouse sings

Neuroscientists discover that male mice sing complex songs. This behavior had till now gone unnoticed because the ultrasonic warbles and chirps that make up these melodies are not audible to humans. Why do male mice sing? Apparently, in the hopes it will get them laid.

You know, people have often asked me, "Mr. Banjo, why do you sing? What moves you to make music?"
Well, here's the answer: I sing for the same reason those male mice sing. I sing because some researcher in a white lab coat has come in to the room and held a cotton swab soaked in the pheremone-rich urine of the female of the species under my nose.

After that, I just can't help myself.