If you're like me, however, you will eventually begin to perspire inside the rain-proof pants, and of course, there will be no way for the moisture to wick out, thus making one slightly damp anyway.

That is, if you're like me.

"Because I know that the moment I don the rain pants, the rain can't touch me."

You know what happens when I don my rainproof clothing? Like, consistently? It stops raining.

My downfall is the shoes. If I would just put on a pair of Wellingtons I could be impervious, but instead I find myself standing there with slowly dampening feet.

actually, your rain-gear colour-scheme is similar to the upper level girl scout uniforms. which begs the obvious question:
Are your cookies also rain impervious?

HAPPINESS

Banjo had
Great Big
Waterproof
Boots on;
Banjo had
Great Blue
Waterproof
Pants;
Banjo had a
Great Green
Waterproof
Rainslicker--
And that
(Said Banjo)
Is
That.

(A.A. Milne rolls over and coughs gently)

The white "paint" is actually marine grade adhesive I used to attach multiple thousands of c-7 lighting string clips to the retail and condo rooftops of a certain berg accross the water during torrential rains in thirty-eight degree weather standing in 6" of standing water 'cuz landlords don't clean drains unless they cause a problem. I owe you some new pants. They kept me warm, dry and not as miserable as I could have been in those circumstances.