When I was a lifeguard, I was neither the old nor new type. I never got in the water if I could at all help it. I stayed in my chair and tried not to fall asleep. I didn't like yelling, so I occasionally glared, but that was about it. I'm not a great swimmer, I have to admit. I pressured my then-girlfriend, who was a lifeguard trainer, to give me the certification so I could have a better job than shrink-wrapper at the local poster shop. There were a lot of alpha male swimmers and I tried to make myself look as pathetic and scrawny as possible when they were around. I dunno why. I guess because it annoyed them and I liked annoying them. One time I went on a nearly blind date with another lifeguard. When I went to pick her up, her roommate said, "oh she's in there." and jerked her thumb towards a door. Without thinking, I opened the door and caught my date completely naked and in the air. Dancing? Aerobics? I'll never know. It was an awkward date.

Yes, ideally a date should end at that point.

I love swimming and I approve this entry.